You can't motorboat a personality
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
