I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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