I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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