The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
