dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
