Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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