dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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