that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I touched a dick in church today
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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