At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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