I puked a lego.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
