I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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