just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
