Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
