I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
