Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
