Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
