Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
