my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
