I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
