dude i'm inner monologue high
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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