I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
