I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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