Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize