I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
