i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
