Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
