i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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