It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
