it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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