Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
