Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
