My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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