some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
