I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
