my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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