Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
