AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love having hate sex.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
