she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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