Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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