Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
