I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize