Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
