I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
