I'm gonna have a badass scar
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
