you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
