If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
