So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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