he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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