Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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