I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
