i already hear my dad disowning me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
