If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
