Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize