My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please don't give away my fajitas
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
