singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
