i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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