I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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