I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
