Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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