look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
