It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
