soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
