That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize