Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
