he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So here I am, sexting at work.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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