Fine. I'll sleep in my office
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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