thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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