So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
