I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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