It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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