Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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