hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
