He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
