It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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