arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize