I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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