So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize