She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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