Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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