i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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