so explain again why im purple
no
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
