I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I am morally bankrupt
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
