Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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