I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
