All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
