so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
