he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
