i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
