Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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