Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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