I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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