peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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