I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
