you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
