CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
