I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize