awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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