That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
