actually, I'm a sock model
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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