Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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