So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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