I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
