Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
