ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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