it was like eating out sand paper
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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