Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
