normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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