In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
