barbara walters just said penis...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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