well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
