do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
