You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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