her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
