Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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