first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
