i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
