Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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