The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
