Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
