I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
