He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
