??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
