I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
