You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
