Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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