three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
where are my eyebrows?
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